Percy's gaze lingered on Nico, an ache settling in his chest. He wasn’t into self inflating pain, and yet here he was, having the monthly summer big three bonding sleepover in his cabin. Long name he knows, but they didn’t feel like coming up with something better. Mostly because then the name was made; Nico dropping into Percy’s cabin cause he couldn’t sleep only to find Percy wide awake too. Shared PTSD and all that. They thought it’d be less depressing if they just made it a thing and got the rest of the gang; Jason, Thalia–when she can, and of course the beautiful Hazel, who’s hair Percy braided into cornrows per her request earlier in the night.
Now every casual interaction, every glance, only fueled the fire of his unspoken desire and it hurt. Nico's words about not being his type played in Percy's mind like it was on a loop, a bitter reminder that he was caught in a web of unrequited feelings, again. He felt like a skipping record, stuck in a perpetual cycle of longing. He would watch from a distance as Nico and Will shared laughter and stolen moments, their happiness a constant reminder of how badly he wanted to be in Will’s shoes. Percy noticed Nico’s hair was getting longer, long enough that he could put a bunch of it in a ponytail.
The fountain’s water and lights caused shadows danced across Percy's face as he sat with his thoughts. His friends were playing some type of game he wasn’t paying attention too, and he thinks if he could drown, right in this moment, that’s what it would feel like; an overwhelming tide of affection that he couldn’t express. He lost his chance. It didn’t feel like this when Conner asked Annabeth–and of course she said yes, which hurt a little since they'd only been broken up for an hour, it didn’t feel like this when Beckendor didn’t even look at him twice, or when Rachel dumped him before he could even ask her out.
For f*cks sake he gave up immortality so Nico could get a cabin at camp, so he wouldn't feel like he didn't belong anymore. For him and anyone like him. He thought everyone would stop assuming he did that for Annabeth after he broke up with her after only a few weeks. If he loved Annabeth the way that everyone thought he did, he would have accepted immortality and then made Annabeth his immortal wife. She would've loved that, him not so much.
Everyone thought Percy was hopelessly in love, and they might be right. But it's not for the person they think.
He liked Nico more than he liked the others by a lot. He loved the way his eyes shine when he talks about things he likes. How he was just at the right height for Percy to be able to rest his arm on his head and shoulder to be annoying. The way he moves his hands when he talks. How his face turns into the shade of a tomato when he gets flustered.
He wonders if his friends notice how different he acts now, and he thinks if they did, it wouldn’t matter. Not now, not since Nico’s smile isn’t directed at him, not since they didn't have the same bond they used to share. Nico doesn’t need Percy now, not like he used to, when he wasn’t used to the demigod world. When his sister left and Percy was left to pick up the pieces. When he was the only one to look for him, to try and teach him how to take care of himself, to make sure Nico was eating. That’s Will’s job now and Percy is grateful Nico is so happy but he hates that he’s not the reason.
Vaguely Percy noticed Thalia shout in frustration as she lost yet another round of mythomagic to Nico and Hazel–who picked up the game surprisingly quickly, he thinks she’s cheating somehow but can’t prove it.
Thalia dropped next to him, the action forcing him to fall into her, shocking him out of his thoughts. “ Hey!” He complains not really meaning it.
“ What’s up with you? You’re never this quiet.”
He shrugs, “ got a lot on my mind I guess.”
“ Oh don’t give me that, I know you. This is more than that, you wanna try again?”
He makes a face, “ no, not really.”
“ Percy, you're the one that always says to talk about how you're feeling.” Thalia murmurs, “ you don’t need to bottle it up with me.”
“ Not for this Thals. Just let it go… please?” He whispers.
“ I’ll drop it…”
Percy deflates relieved, “ thank you.”
“ For now.” she warns, there it is he thinks tension making his shoulders rise up again. “ But if you're moping like this next time I see you. I will pry it out of you.” She raises up from next to him, ruffles his hair and goes back to the circle. He hears her say something to Jason, and its only seconds later that they’re wrestling on the floor knocking into everyone in their way. Thalia gets him knocking to the ground and pins his arms behind his back where she runs a double chicken wing. It makes Percy laugh for the first time in what feels like weeks.
The laughter felt foreign at first, but as the sound echoed in his cabin, Percy realized how much he had missed it. Thalia's wrestling match with Jason provided a little reprieve from his thoughts that had been weighing him down. It was a loud blend of mythomagic games, playful shouts, and the occasional grunt of an overenthusiastic demigod being tossed, when Jason somehow got his arms free. Percy allowed himself to be drawn into the fray. The familiar roughhousing with Thalia and Jason was a welcome distraction. The physical exertion helped him shake off the weight that had settled on his shoulders. He could feel the tension slowly unraveling.
Hazel and Nico, engrossed in a particularly intense round of mythomagic, glanced over at the commotion. Nico's eyes met Percy's briefly, and Percy offered a small grin. It wasn't the forced one he had worn lately.
The wrestling match eventually turned into a free-for-all, with Percy, Thalia, and Jason laughing and tumbling around like a bunch of unruly teens. Even Nico and Hazel abandoned their game to join in as Mrs. O'Leary, bounded into the cabin with her tail wagging, ready to sober all over them, after hearing all the comotion.
Thalia's threat to pry into Percy's thoughts hung over him, but for now, he was content, even with Thalia putting him in a very painful arm bar.
